ignore = ignorance

“When they grow from a chick and in seven weeks you’ve got a five-and-a-half- pound chicken, their bones and their internal organs can’t keep up with the rapid growth. A lot of these chickens here, they can take a few steps and then they plop down. It’s because they can't keep up all the weight that they’re carrying. That’s normal. There’s antibiotics that’s put into the feed and of course that passes through the chicken. The bacteria build up a resistance, so antibiotics aren’t working anymore. I have become allergic to all antibiotics and can’t take ’em.” – Farmer, Food, Inc.

When I hear the word ignorance, I think of not being informed or educated on a topic. But I have started thinking recently that a lot of people actively choose to be uninformed about certain things. It's not always a case of lack of opportunity or resources in which to gain information. No. It's about ignoring the issue altogether. I had never realized just how similar the words "ignore" and "ignorance" truly are.

If you haven’t seen the movie, Food, Inc., you really should. While it was initially horrifying and appalling, it completely changed the way that I think my food.

It never occurred to me just how removed I am from the food that I put into my body. The food I eat is always sitting on a shelf at the grocery store, awaiting my selection. Take an apple, for example. Where did it come from, specifically? And, no, the answer to this question is not “the grocery store.” What was put in this apple? There must be a reason why some apples are ginormous and others are super small.

It started to really bother me that I didn’t know the answers to these basic questions.

This movie opened my eyes to a lot of conditions that most people try to avoid seeing. I understand why major food corporations go to great lengths to keep it that way. Ignorance means large profits for them. If you knew how it got to your plate, you would probably not look at it the same way anymore.

I’m not saying that this movie will make you want to be a vegetarian. It’s just supposed to get you thinking about how much of the process is kept from us… intentionally. If anything, it may make you want to try alternatives... like free range and grass-fed meat. But overall, the main lesson I learned from it is that there ARE other options. The way you cast your vote to keep the corporations from treating animals cruelly and lacing them with drugs depends on what you buy at the grocery store.

Food, Inc. also got me thinking a great deal about how everything I eat could be related to my health issues. Do I have severe reactions to antibiotics and stomach issues out the wahzoo because of the food that I eat? I really hope not. But I will probably never know for sure.

Take away message from my tirade? Go watch this movie right now. And if you are one of those people who does not care or want to know where their food comes from, I hope your ignorance continues to be blissful. But I fear it will not be.

the best thing that has entered my life in a while

“Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.” --Samuel Butler

I have to give mad props to my friend, Rachael. She introduced me to my new favorite vegetable. Not only had I never tasted this delicious substance, but I did not even know that it existed! Allow me to introduce the one, the only, the Spaghetti Squash.  

If you don’t know what this is, you should. If you do know what this is, shame on you for not revealing its majesty to me!

Spaghetti squash looks like a really fat yellow squash. One of my favorite things about it was that it came with directions. Clearly, people don’t know what the heck they are supposed to do with it. When have you ever bought a vegetable that came with directions? It made me chuckle.

The reason it’s called spaghetti squash is because the insides resemble noodles. And most people eat it with different varieties of pasta sauces. I was also bold and put some soy protein in my spaghetti sauce. I thought it was going to be gross, but it was delicious. It tasted like ground beef. Although, I do think they should come up with a more appealing name for it. I bought the aformentioned soy protein in the frozen food isle where all the other non-meat products hang out.

I loved this dish so intensely… most likely because it tasted like an Italian dish. Spaghetti squash and I are going to be great friends. This I know.

Here is how I made it:

*Spaghetti Squash*

Wash squash and poke 5-6 times. Microwave for 12 minutes and rotate every 3 minutes so all sides have faced up. Let cool. Cut in half. Scoop out middle goop, including seeds (like you would do for a cantaloupe). Then use a fork to scrape all inner sides of the squash. Little stringy things should peel off easily. Top with your sauce of choice and prepare for the magic you will soon experience!

the smell of temptation

“Vegetarian: A person who eats only side dishes.” --Gerald Lieberman

Let me start by saying that being a vegetarian is not as hard as I thought it would be. And by this, I mean that I haven’t epically failed yet. Understandably, it does require a significant quantity of self-control.

I had my first bout with temptation on Wednesday. I was doing community service during my normal dinner time and the organization provided sub sandwiches for everyone. Living in the culture that we do, vegetarians are often forgot about. Thus, all that was offered contained a variety of lunchmeat. I was hungry… and there, sitting in front of me, was a delicious smelling turkey sandwich. But I stood my ground, desperately listing in my mind the reasons why I initially believed this was a good idea over and over. Instead of grabbing a sub sandwich, I halfheartedly ate 4 helpings of fruit and some crackers. Welcome to the world of having a restricted diet, where we eat only side dishes.

Did I want some turkey? Obvi. I would be straight-up lying if I denied this fact. However, I also yearn to eat chocolate 24/7. But that doesn’t mean I do. You have to weigh the cost. The come-back I hear most often is that the animals on our plates were going to die anyway. But I don’t see why that makes a difference. Aren’t we all going to die one day? Does that mean we should go ahead and get it over with now? Not at all. It makes life that much more precious.

I was thinking about this preciousness when I munched on my fruit and crackers. I smiled to myself. Following that light bulb moment, I swear the fruit tasted better and the turkey sandwich smelled dreadfully unappetizing.

Italy, changing lives one dish at a time

“Ancora un pochino, per favore!” –Italian saying

If I could live anywhere in this world, I would live in Italy. There is nothing about that country that I do not love. I spent a little over a week there a few years ago. I may or may not have gained 5 pounds in that short time frame. And by that I mean... I did. I ate bread and pasta constantly, drank my fair share of wine and limoncello and ended every evening with a stop at the Gelato shop. I also learned one of the few Italian phrases that I know, “Ancora un pochino, per favore,” which means “A little more, please.”

I’m not daring enough to move there (mainly because I know virtually zero Italian). So instead, I will surround myself with their delicious cuisine to remind me of that magical land. (Just in case you haven’t picked up on that theme in my cooking choices yet.)

So I recently made some Bruschetta, which is one of my favorite Italian foods and conveniently vegetarian. It’s also one of the easiest dishes to make and doesn’t require many ingredients. This dish is meant to be an appetizer. I often intend it to be this way and then end up eating it until I’m full. It’s that delicious. I don’t use a certain recipe (which is how all the cool kids cook). But the main gist of it is below.

*Bruschetta*

Olive oil

Tomatoes

Onions

Basil

Salt

Pepper

Baguette

Mozzarella or parmesan cheese

Cut baguette into slices and place on baking sheet. Brush olive oil on both sides of baguette slices. Bake for 2 minutes on 400 degrees. Flip and bake for 2 more minutes. Mix tomatoes, onions, basil, salt and pepper. Put spoonful on each slice and bake for 1 minute. Sprinkle with your cheese of choice and serve!

Ratatouille (the entrée, not the movie)

“A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.” --David Brenner

Last night for dinner, I made my first purposefully vegetarian meal. Obviously, I have eaten meals without meat, but this one was the first in which I consciously chose that option.

On the menu: Ratatouille and Focaccia bread.

 

I picked this recipe because it wasn’t too far out of my comfort zone. I had eaten it before at my friends’, Kim and Rachel, house (thanks, ladies!). So I already knew that it was delicious. But since I’m not the best cook in the world, it was still an adventure. Luckily, my mom was there to correct some of my minor mistakes along the way. For instance, I was unaware that slicing and dicing are different things… whoops.

It turned out just as I remembered it, absolutely delightful. The best part about it is that it is quite filling. You normally don’t expect that a medley of veggies is going to abate your hunger, but it did. The bread helped too.

I’m sorry, but I cannot eat an Italian dish without bread. It doesn’t work for me… despite the fact that while I was in Italy, I think I was only served bread with my meal once. But that is beside the point. I will freely admit that I am addicted to carbs. I could eat pasta, bread and potatoes until I burst. They are my little trinity of happiness. I love them in a way in which no one should ever love an inanimate object. It’s just a fact.

I didn’t actually make the bread myself... just heated it. I bought it at Trader Joe’s, aka my Mecca. (Everything that I have ever purchased from that store has been nothing short of breathtakingly delicious.) I highly recommend the Focaccia bread. It reminded me a lot of the bread from Macaroni Grill. Yum!

Here is the recipe, for your eating pleasure.

*Ratatouille*

3T olive oil

1/2 cup Italian style breadcrumbs

1 yellow or red pepper, sliced

2 crushed garlic cloves

2 sliced leeks (or small mild onions)

2 sliced zucchini (or squash)

2 sliced tomatoes

1t rosemary

a sprinkle of basil

4 eggs

Heat half the oil and fry the breadcrumbs in it until golden brown. Drain oil and set breadcrumbs aside. Add the rest of the oil and sauté the pepper, garlic, and leeks until softened (about 10 min). Add zucchini, tomatoes, basil and rosemary and cook for 5 min. Make 4 wells in vegetables and add the eggs into the wells. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook until eggs are cooked and then sprinkle with the breadcrumbs and serve.

cluck, moo, oink, gobble… do fish make noise?

“Thanksgiving dinner's sad and thankless
Christmas dinner's dark and blue
When you stop and try to see it
From the turkey's point of view.”
--Shel Silverstein, “Point of View”

The closest I come to realizing that what I’m eating used to be alive is at Thanksgiving. When the turkey is in its whole form, it looks much more like a bird. This year, I was extra aware because I knew that in a few weeks time I would be dabbling in vegetarianism. It looked so sad when my father was carving its flesh with an electric knife. Did that stop me from eating it? Nope. It was delicious. But I made sure to tell the bird I was thankful to it for giving its life for the benefit of my taste buds.

I tried to see life from the turkey’s perspective. If it had been born almost any other bird (except a chicken), it would be frolicking around as we speak. I realize that, as humans, we often attribute emotions to animals that they most likely do not feel. But they are living creatures and who am I to decide that that particular animal deserves to be on my plate?

Vegetarianism is a hot topic. It seems like everyone has a strong opinion about it. But I think there is a solid rebuttal to almost every statement against it. And I get it, meat is delicious. This I know. But so are lots of other foods that don’t require slaughtering a living being. Just sayin’.

I definitely don’t expect everyone to agree with me on this. Even after going 3 years without red meat, sometimes I really want some flank steak. But then the craving passes and I’m really thankful that I didn’t give into it. I’m hoping that will be the case with poultry as well. But I make no guarantees.

I’m also going to try not to be one of those people who makes other people feel bad for eating meat. It’s really your choice. But I do think it’s important to be more aware that what you’re eating used to be an animal. It’s easy to forget that in our society because it just shows up on our plate. Be thankful for the animal’s life and appreciate it a little more than an apple.

On the flip-side, please also respect my choice and don’t taunt me with the delicious meat of which you are partaking. Don’t rub it in and make me think bad thoughts. And I too will try my best to respect your choice and not make animal noises while you’re eating meat.

Key word being “try.”

Experi-month #2: Meat or not to meat?

“Let thy food be thy medicine and thy medicine be thy food.” –Hippocrates

I figure I’m on a roll with health related things, so I have decided that Experi-month #2 will be devoted to attempting vegetarianism. If you know me, then you probably know that I have flirted with being a vegetarian for about 5 years now. And by flirted, I mean that I have tried and failed multiple times. I have a commitment issue in my relationship with a meatless life. I usually do not have much of a problem with will-power. That is one thing that my stomach issues taught me. But this is the one thing that I can’t seem to give up completely.

Why I want to be a vegetarian:

1.      I love animals.

2.      If I was forced to go out and kill my own dinner, I would never do it.

3.      Meat is difficult to digest… and per last month’s topic, I don’t need more difficulty in that area.

4.      I’ve seen multiple documentaries on the meat industry and the conditions outrage me. I don’t want to support those terrible companies.

5.      Why are certain animals acceptable to eat and others are not? For example, I would NEVER consider eating my dog (I love you, Krissy).

Why I fail at committing to vegetarianism:

1.      Chicken is delicious.

2.      I don’t really like beans. Thus, protein becomes a problem.

3.      It’s hard to be the only one… especially when you go to someone’s house for dinner.

4.      I forget that what I’m eating used to be breathing.

5.      People think you are high-maintenance. Don’t pretend you haven’t thought that.

So this topic is a perfect Experi-month for me. I need a deadline. I need to know that it will be over in one month if I want it to be.

I have been dabbling with vegetarianism for a long time. I stopped eating red meat about 3 years ago. This decision was made to help my digestion and because pigs and cows are cuter than chickens. Legit. That was my thought process. I have also never really eaten seafood. I have a texture issue with most of it. So that leaves poultry, which is the only meat that I consume. My original plan was to give up red meat first and then give up chicken… so that I wouldn’t be going cold turkey (no pun intended). But I never did.

My current diet does not have tons of meat in it. I would say that I eat meat 6 times a week. And this is usually at dinner time. I never eat it for breakfast and very rarely for lunch. If you have suggestions of delicious recipes for me to try, PLEASE send them to me!! I need help on this one. Salads get old pretty quickly.

I’m not really sure that this will contribute to my happiness, which was the overall goal of Experi-months. In fact, it might contribute to unhappiness. If that turns out to be the case, so be it. I’m going to try it for all the chickens (people and birds) out there.

Here goes nothing.

P.S. I’m serious about the recipe thing. Send them. Now.

Verdict on Month 1

“A man may esteem himself happy when that which is his food is also his medicine.” --Henry David Thoreau

Last week, I started my allergy supplements. I made the mistake of going cold turkey, meaning that I stopped taking my Zyrtec on day one. Rookie mistake. Several hours into the day, I got the mother of all headaches and could not breathe. The devils inside my sinuses forced me to break down and pop my Zyrtec. I felt like an addict. I lasted a mere 5 hours without the comfort of my decongestant and then fell off the wagon. So since then, I have been taking half of my Zyrtec plus the supplements. My body can handle this much better.

My NP noted that it may take a little while for my body to adjust to life without a decongestant because I have been taking one since about age 10. Few things in my life have been as consistent as my morning allergy pill. I can truly say that I have only forgotten to take that pill once in 12 years… and it was easily in the top 10 most miserable days of my life.

So I’m still working on weaning off of the medication. BUT it’s almost time to move on to Experi-month #2. Before I introduce the new topic, I have some closing thoughts on my holistic month.

Will I stick with it?

I can say with 100% certainty that I will continue taking Slippery Elm and Fish oil. This combination seems to do wondrous things for my insides. I have noticed the largest improvement in this arena. These little miracle workers changed my life! I went from feeling pain every single day to feeling nothing. It still surprises me… and I love it.

I’m still not certain about the supplements for my thyroid and allergies. Those conditions seem pretty much the same with or without the supplements. So my decision may come down to comparing hassle and cost. Is it worth it to take something 3 times a day versus once a day? Is it worth it to pay slightly more, thanks to my insurance company’s lack of support for holistic healing? We shall see. It may take a few more months for the verdict to come out on this one.

Am I glad that I tried this?

I hope no one seriously asks me this question after reading the previous paragraphs. But, heck yes! Insert previous comment about my life being changed in marvelous ways. My body is happy. If I listen closely, I can actually hear my body saying, “Thank you,” as it digests. I can actually enjoy eating food instead of waiting for the eminent repercussions. It’s a great way to live. Food = nourishment… not food = enemy.

Would I recommend trying it?

Abso-freakin-lutely! I realize that not everyone has the same health problems that I do. But there might be something that you wish was a little better. Or you might want to prevent future illnesses. It sure as heck won’t make you feel any worse. I also think that I was lucky to find a good Naturopathic Physician so quickly. Maybe that was the universe’s way of making it up to me for staying with Cruella Condescension for so long. If you decide to try it, definitely do research to find a good one and to make sure that they are legitimate doctors. That’s my general advice.

Top 5 things I learned from this month:

1.      Listen to your body’s cries (or screams) for help and change.

2.      You are responsible for your own health. If you don’t put your whole effort into helping your body feel better, why would anyone else?

3.      It actually is possible to digest without feeling intense pain.

4.      If health insurance companies had a Facebook page, it would say “In a Relationship with drug companies.” And it doesn’t appear that will change any time soon.

5.      When you feel healthy, so many more things seem possible. Hope is a lovely thing.

I officially declare this month a success.

updates galore!

“He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything.” --Arabic Proverb

I apologize ahead of time for the random nature of the subsequent paragraphs.

Still can’t tell a difference in bodily functions from the supplements I’ve been taking for my thyroid. So I suppose that means they work just as well as the medication I used to take. I will, however, need to get my blood tested just to make sure everything is all good.

I have this friend. Let’s call her Mica. She is awesome and gave me a helpful response to one of the questions I had about probiotics. The question was if your body can become immune to probiotics like it can to antibiotics. She said that it most likely won’t, but there can be a too-much-of-a-good-thing type of situation. So moral of the story: probiotics are nicer to the body than antibiotics, but don’t pop them daily if you want them to work splendidly. Mica also gave a lovely description of how probiotics work (per her mother), which included the phrase, “It’ll help restore the flora in your gut.” I found this simultaneously interesting and disturbing.

The next phase of my naturopathic healing is to tackle my allergies. This was my next to most annoying ailment, following IBS obviously. Without being redundant and repetitive and redundant and repetitive, I will make an abridged list of the things of this world to which I am allergic.

1.      Cats

2.      Dogs

3.      All animals with fur, really

4.      Smoke

5.      Mold

6.      Dust

7.      Trees

8.      Pollen

9.      Grass

10. All of the outdoors, really

11. Several varieties of antibiotics

As you may have noticed, these supplements will have their work cut out for them. But let me note the score, for those of you who haven’t kept count:

Natural healing: 5 million points             Modern medicine: -37 points

My body seems to be keen on naturalness, with regard to medicine. What can I say?

Lastly, I have decided what the next Experi-month will be!!!! I’m super excited about it. I also very much appreciate your suggestions for future topics. In reference to Experi-months, I will say, my search for more than contentment has already gone marvelously. It’s much easier to be happy when your body is happy. And my body is beyond happy. It’s downright pumped about life these days. I just want to sing happy songs from Glee all the live-long day. If that’s not an indication, I don’t know what is.

decisions and soapboxes

“It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know what sort of disease a person has.” --Hippocrates

I’ve decided to never ever go back to my current medical doctor… or as I like to call her, Cruella Condescension, MD. The reasons for this decision are threefold.

1.      She spends less time in the room with me than I spend in the waiting room perusing outdated parenting magazines. And when she finally decides to grace me with her presence, she looks at her laptop the entire time and I have to remind her of every reason why I have been in her office before.

2.      She told me to get over my issues and push through the pain. To which I replied, “You’re my doctor… not my personal trainer.”

3.      She would NOT like the fact that I sought a Naturopathic physician’s advice without consulting her first. If the name of the medicine doesn’t have 17 letters and end in “ine,” she doesn’t prescribe it.

Thus, per the quote above, Cruella did not know/understand me at all, so how could she possibly know how to help me? Luckily, my NP recommended an OB/GYN that she knows is very accepting of natural healing methods. Score! And I’m hoping that the OB/GYN will have a good recommendation for a General Practitioner that is similarly open-minded. Who knew this type of person would be so hard to find? It makes me a little sad for the world.

I would now like to take a moment and get on my soapbox. Bear with me.

I read somewhere that the difference between modern medicine and traditional healing is that you go to the doctor when you’re sick in the former and go to the doctor when you’re well (to continue to stay well) in the latter. That seems a little bass ackwards to me. Why do we continue to pay doctors to help us fix the same problems over and over? Shouldn’t they get it right the first time? Heck, I’d even be ok with it if they got it right the second or third time. We pay them every time that we are sick. Luckily, I can now remove myself from the “we” in that sentence. But I want everyone else to do the same.

Healthcare costs continue to rise and people keep saying that my generation will be the first that will not outlive their parents. That is really scary. Granted, most of this is due to the insanely high prevalence of obesity. That’s a whole other issue, but is a part of health all the same.

I have no authority to tell anyone what to do about their health. I’m not any version of a doctor and I’m definitely still figuring a lot of things out. But I do know that having an open mind and taking charge over my own health completely changed my life in the best way possible. So often we believe everything that our doctors say and don’t do our own investigation. I know I did. And because of that, I was miserable and in a great deal of physical pain for 5 years.

Learn from my mistake. Research your own problems and know why you are taking the medications that you take (do they have long-term side effects, do you need to modify your diet for them to work, what are the biologically doing to help you, etc.). I’ll be the first to admit that I had no idea what 3 of my medications were physically doing to me. Man, I wish I had.

Clarification: I’m not telling everyone to go see a Naturopathic physician. I know it wouldn’t work for everyone and I know some people can’t afford it (thanks, insurance companies). What I’m saying is that, your health is your responsibility. I relied on a crappy doctor and Zyrtec commercials for way too long. Sometimes you have to be your own advocate. Strike that. You always have to be your own advocate. Sometimes it involves exercising more often and eating more nutritious food. But a lot of times, it’s much more complicated. But no one knows your body better than you do. And it took me 5 years to learn that if your body is screaming at you, throwing the mother of all temper tantrums, it won’t simmer down until you stop and listen.

why i sleep like it's my job

“The next major advance in the health of the American people will be determined by what the individual is willing to do for himself.” -John Knowles, Former President of the Rockefeller Foundation

So I have this fun condition called hypothyroidism. I was diagnosed with it over this past summer (in the midst of my freakish reaction to antibiotics). The symptoms for this are quite lovely, and include things like excessive fatigue (check!), increased sensitivity to cold (check!), pale skin (obviously check!), IBS (big honkin’ check!), depression, hair loss, and brittle nails. Four out of seven… great.

My medical doctor did a blood test twice because she didn’t believe the result the first time. That’s how bad it was! She’s not usually the type to second guess things. For example, her thoughts on my IBS, “Eat healthy and maybe it will go away.”

But I digress. Just in case you’re wondering, hypothyroidism is a condition that you develop when your thyroid does not produce enough of certain hormones in your body. If untreated, it often leads to heart disease and mental health problems. I would very much like to avoid those like the plague. But have no fear… my doctor had a pill to fix it. So I added yet another pill to my regimen. As if my medicine cabinet doesn’t look enough like a small pharmacy. But after a few weeks, the pill brought my hormone levels back to normal… so I didn’t complain too much.

But none of my symptoms went away. I was still constantly tired (even if I slept for over 10 hours). And if the pill wasn’t really working completely AND probably doesn’t have stellar long-term effects for my liver (no pills do), then why was I taking it? This was my thought process. My medical doctor said it was the only option to treat hypothyroidism and if I didn’t keep taking the pill, it is likely that I would develop depression. My naturopathic physician extraordinaire to the rescue! Here are her suggestions for me:

Selenium

All I knew about Selenium prior to this was that it is on the Periodic Table of Elements. It turns out that it’s also super helpful in bodily functions. It’s a nutrient that everyone should intake daily… and is surprisingly in a lot of foods. One of selenium’s jobs is to regulate the production of hormones in the thyroid. Who knew?

The Selenium that I take is a liquid. It tastes like water (i.e. no taste). The bummer is that I have to take it twice a day. This isn’t a huge deal, but just makes it more likely that I will forget the mid-day dosage. I’m used to waking up and immediately popping pills. It’s basically as easy to remember as breathing. But now, I have to recall in the middle of my often busy day to sip on my Selenium.

I considered bringing it to work with me and taking my ¾ teaspoon at about 3pm. But the bottle looks strikingly similar to cough syrup. It might not be too kosher to take a sip from that every day. My co-workers already think I have bladder problems (because of my rapid intake of water) and am obsessed with yogurt (which I eat twice a day). So I will just have to remember to take it when I get home after work.

Thyroid Support

I feel that the name of this supplement should be self-explanatory. But for those of you that aren’t the sharpest needles in the haystack, it supports my thyroid. It’s a black pill that smells wretched, but luckily has no taste. It is supposed to help me produce more T3 hormones and regulates their release into my body. That’s pretty much it.

Osteoprime

I have also been taking a supplement called Osteoprime. Though it may sound like it could be a villain in one of the Transformers movies, it’s actually a calcium supplement. There is a history of osteoporosis and bone loss in my family… so I’m trying to prevent that. Everyone knows I don’t need to get any shorter. Hence I’m trying to dense those suckers up.

It’s difficult to really see the effects of this one without my x-ray vision glasses. But I hope it works… it can’t hurt. That’s the fabulous thing about natural supplements. Unlike pills, they very rarely have negative side-effects or long term negative effects. I’m not against pills, but if you take oodles of them (like me), it’s probably not going to do great things for your liver.

I honestly can’t tell if the new supplements are working yet. I am slightly more tired today, but that may be related to other things. Related side note: I don’t want to brag or anything, but I went to see Dave Barnes in concert last night. I wasn’t out terribly late, but was just so jazzed and pumped and enthused that I couldn’t fall asleep last night. It was that overwhelmingly magnificent. If this whole temporary job thing doesn’t turn into something permanent, I’m thinking I’ll become his groupie. Unrelated side note: does the term ‘groupie’ still apply if you follow a singular person/musician and not a band? Seems like it shouldn’t.

But anyway, I do not know what the sleepiness is related to and will have to wait a few days to report on that. Or maybe, I already know and just want to keep you coming back for more. I’ll never tell. Don’t judge me for using Gossip Girl’s tagline. It was accidental, I swear.

my running dabble

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis

In case you were wondering, I got the idea to do the Experi-months from something that I started doing 3 months ago: running. I decided that I needed a goal in order to exercise consistently. If I don’t have a goal, I talk myself out of exercising. I’m a pro at excuses… “I’m tired,” “I just ate,” “My stomach is killing me today,” “It’s too hot/cold outside,” etc. So I decided that my goal would be to work my way up to running in a 5k.

This was quite the goal, considering I did not run. Ever. And considering that I have asthma… not just the out of breath kind either, but the really attractive wheezing variety. But I decided to try it for a month to see how it went. I printed out a plan that I found on the internet, which told me how frequently and how long to run. I had a plan. The plan was simple, much like Paris Hilton. But unlike Paris, the plan might actually work.

Obviously, I tried my hardest to stick to the aforementioned plan. But I don’t think it was designed for the asthmatics of the world. I’ve made some amendments along the way, but have consistently been running 3 times a week. Before I started toward this goal, I hated running… mainly because I wasn’t good at it. But also because it brought back an assortment of not-so-warm-and-fuzzy memories of “The Mile Runs” that I suffered through as a youngster.

Traumatic anecdote: On a fall day in 3^rd grade, I entered the gymnasium for P.E. class. I already detested this class with every fiber of my being. I have little athletic capability and an inhaler. You do the math. My gym teacher announced it was Mile Run day. I immediately weighed the options of faking sick so I didn’t have to participate… but she also mentioned that it was for a grade. The over-achieving sect of my body was suckered into it. So I begrudgingly took part. I could have walked the whole thing, but I wanted to attempt to run so that I would not be teased by the crazy children who finished in less than 5 minutes. Those jerks. But alas, I shortly needed my inhaler.

Of course, being in a public school, an “incompetent” child like myself was not allowed to have her own inhaler in her possession. This same inhaler that she had only been successfully using since birth. So I had to walk across campus to the nurse and employ it with her supervision. Splendid. When I returned 20 minutes later, I was informed that my time of completion included the time it took me to walk to and from the nurse. That seems fair…? Several days later, I received a “congratulatory” certificate, kindly noting that I had finished the Mile Run in 37 minutes. As if this was an accomplishment. Naturally, that was good enough for last place. I was waist-deep in a thick mixture of mortification, mockery, and self-deprecation. And this was the genesis of my tainted relationship with running.

But now, I don’t find running so revolting and emotionally scarring. It weirdly relaxes me. I actually kind of maybe look forward to it a little bit. My asthma only took about 2 months to conquer. What was initially laborious and somewhat painful, is now rather enjoyable. Who’d of thought it? After my trial month with running, I decided I liked it. I could go into the psychological explanation of this for you, but I may be the only person that finds that interesting. Two words: cognitive dissonance.

Due to my lung’s inability to stick to the plan, I haven’t reached my goal yet. And sadly, the brisk winter air is providing my breather-machine with another hurdle. In the past, my asthma has been the worst in the cold months. But I’m plugging along at my own pace. I can’t really tell how many miles I’m up to at this point, because I do intervals (switching from running to walking), but every time I run, I run longer than I ever have in my life. Progress, baby.

But I still don’t consider myself a “runner.” Those are people who make it their hobby. They put oodles of time and money into it… with their fancy running shoes and special sweat-proof clothing. No, I just dabble with it. And I discovered that what I really like is the dabbling… so I turned that into my hobby instead. I’m a dabbler.

the friendly kind of bacteria

“Bacteria keeps us from heaven and puts us there.” –Martin H. Fischer

I have begun the next part of my holistic regimen: Probiotics. My NP explained that probiotics are basically “good bacteria.” She specifically gave me HMF Intensive, which is a variety of probiotics. This is a one time prescription for me. After 15 days, I’m done with them.

My NP said that she recommended HMF because it will restore the good bacteria in my stomach that the antibiotic I took over the summer wiped out. As I mentioned in another post, I had a severe reaction to this antibiotic, complete with dry, cracking skin from head to toe. It was so terrible that it often hurt to move. Even the strongest of moisturizers could not cure my dehydrated epidermis and I eventually had to break down and go to the dermatologist to fix it. Even with their help, I still have not fully recovered from this… 6 months later.

I’ve heard that probiotics are also great for the immune system in general. So if you’ve got a cold or flu-like ailment, they are a good and gentle substitute for the everything-must-die-a-quick-death approach of antibiotics.

I’m unsure of whether your body can become immune to the benefits of probiotics in the same ways that it can with antibiotics. If anyone knows, holla at me. I’m curious, but could not find a reliable source confirming or denying this.

So the probiotics are to help my body recover in a myriad of ways. They have also been shown to reduce inflammation, much like the Slippery Elm, which will help my IBS too! It’s like a five for one deal. No negative side effects as of yet either. And I feel generally healthier. I can’t really explain into words specifically how I feel “healthier,” but I do.

My body is on the express train to recovery. I can feel it. And I like it.

my stomach doesn't hate me anymore!

“When health is absent wisdom cannot reveal itself, art cannot become manifest, strength cannot be exerted, wealth is useless and reason is powerless.” -Herophilies, 300 B.C.


It has been 4 days since I started taking Slippery Elm and Fish oil (EFA). I am hesitant to say that these have fixed my problems, but so far so good. They definitely haven’t hurt anything. But let me explain a little about what these magic substances are for:

Slippery Elm

Slippery Elm is the (totally awesome) name of a tree most often found in North America. When the bark of this tree is dried and ground into powder, it can be used for medicinal purposes. According to my NP, Slippery Elm coats the digestive tract when ingested. This soothes the inflammation of my insides and makes things feel generally happier in the tummy area.

Since it comes in a powder and isn’t the best tasting thing ever (it’s tree bark for crying out loud), my NP recommended that I put a teaspoon of it in yogurt or applesauce. I have been doing this twice a day to get my body on the road to recovery. Once my body is more stable, I will only have to take it once a day. This will maintain the feelings of rainbows and love in my tummy. Hopefully.

Fish Oil (EFA)

Fish Oil is (shockingly enough) what it sounds like… oil from fish. Fish oil has a plethora of health benefits, including heart health, a reduction in inflammation, better brain function, reduction in depression, and reduction in incidence of breast, colon and prostate cancer. So hopefully this will help my body in many ways, but I am mainly taking it to reduce my inflamed innards.

Fun fact: certain groups of people are predisposed to have essential fatty acid (EFA) deficiencies. In other words, some people need more EFAs than others. These people are most often of Irish, Scottish, Welch, Scandinavian, Danish, British Columbian or Eskimo descent (essentially all the super pale people). Aaaaand there we have the description of my heritage in a nutshell.

So once a day, I take one teaspoon of liquid EFA. It actually doesn’t taste half bad. There is kind of an orange-y or citrus taste to it. Downside alert—it does have to be refrigerated. So if you’re traveling or have a complicated life, you may want to stick with the tablet form. My NP didn’t want me to take the tablet form because it takes longer to work… and adding extra jobs (like dissolving the capsule) for my stomach to do, would probably not be the smartest life choice. It has enough going on already.


I have been taking these two supplements for 4 days now. In addition, I have been drinking 10 glasses of water a day… or trying to, at least. Without being graphic, here are some changes that I have noticed:

1. NO stomach pain
This was my main reason for trying this whole Experi-month! I have not been free of this stabbing pain for 5 years. All I can say is: it’s about freakin’ time something worked! I can eat food without feeling like I swallowed a small rabid animal, which is then trying to claw out of my body. Now if feels like I swallowed nothing… or maybe just tiny bites of bliss and wonderment.

2. Regularity (if you know what I mean)
This also has been absent from my life for 5 rough years. I forgot how lovely and strangely satisfying it is.

3. I have to pee constantly
I’m sure my co-workers think I have (a) a bladder disorder or (b) bulimia. But I care not of their incredulous assumptions so long as my stomach is behaving itself.

If the other supplements on my plan work as well as these, you all will be introduced to a new Stephanie. She will be happy, able-bodied, and not preoccupied with the searing pain in her abdomen. But above all, she will always have a water bottle in hand and (hopefully) always be in close proximity to a bathroom.

i'm feeling au naturel... if you know what i mean.

“The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease.” -Thomas Edison

Yesterday, I went to see a Naturopathic Physician (NP). NPs are the general practitioners (GP) of the holistic world. They assess your complete self and guide you through the steps toward healing. If you’re like me, you didn’t know that these people existed. I thought I would have to see a nutritionist or something. But I discovered this particular doctor just like I discover most things: Google. It’s a wonderful thing. I found a website for a practice that has an NP, Acupuncturist, Massage Therapist, and Counselor. Essentially, they have one expert to help you with each facet of your health. For now, I am focusing on working with the NP… mostly due to the fact that I’m not independently wealthy. I got really excited when I was reading their website and their philosophy. It was like they had been created just for me.

Then I read that they don’t accept insurance. I semi-expected that this would be the case. But seeing it in print outraged me. Why is modern medicine the only thing covered? I’m sure there are other people out there like me. Modern medicine doesn’t work for everyone. It’s really a shame. As soon as I got over the fact that this visit would cost me more than I earn in a day of work, I called to make an appointment. I got their voicemail so I left a message. Ten minutes later, the NP called me back! Now… tell me a time when your GP has personally called you? Probably the 4^th of never. This is part of the Naturopathic philosophy: to really take time for your patients and get to know them. We had about a 10 minute phone conversation. This is the same amount of time that I spend in the same room with my GP during an office visit! I already really like where this is going.

I brought my mom with me to my appointment. She asked if she could come and I said yes. Sometimes she worries more about my health issues than I do… and she has been really supportive in me trying anything and everything if it will help me feel better. We walked in to a normal looking office and couldn’t even sit down in the waiting room before the doctor called me back. She looked like I expected: healthy… and natural. I know that’s a weird way to describe someone, but that’s how she looked. She was very friendly and seemed determined to get my body straightened out. I immediately decided that I liked her. We talked for over an hour and a half! At my usual doctor, I spend this amount of time in the waiting room and less than 5 minutes with my doctor. Talk about a reversal!

I will go into the details of her recommendations as I implement them, but for now I just wanted to say a few things about the overall experience. First, it wasn’t scary at all. This doctor genuinely wanted me to get better and made sure she spent as much time as was needed to fully explain everything to me. She explained my disorders to me better than my GP did and then explained what she would recommend and why. It was almost like a tutorial in health. Now I feel educated about what’s going on with my physical self… and it’s a great feeling, let me tell you. Second, she has a suggestion for just about every problem. She literally can help you with everything from acne to depression to headaches to fibromyalgia. I was impressed.

I’m trying not to get too preachy about how great the experience was until I see if the stuff actually works. But I am ever so hopeful that it will.

I walked out of the office with a bag overflowing of supplements and herbs… and luckily herbs don’t weigh much. As I suspected, I will have to start taking them one at a time, so if something works (or doesn’t work), I will know which one it is. My NP told me not to expect all of them to work marvelously, because everyone’s body reacts to them differently. But if one doesn’t work for me, she has back-up plans. With that said, I’ll tell you what she recommended for me BUT that does not mean she would recommend it for you. She picked this plan because of how all of my conditions relate to one another. So you should really see a NP before you start this process. Naturopathic health is very much based on the individual. I venture to guess that very few people are my exact age, height and weight, and have the same conditions and family history as me.

So tomorrow I will begin this slightly complex journey with the suggestions for my IBS: Slippery Elm and Fishoil (EFA). Sidenote: one of my favorite parts about naturopathic health is the names of the supplements because (a) they are funny sounding and (b) I can actually pronounce them. I will go into more detail about what these supplements do and why she picked them for me later. Stay tuned.

I will leave you with two pieces of information that I learned from my baller NP:

1.      Everyone should drink 5 glasses of water per day. But you are supposed to add an extra glass for every medication you are on and for every 30 minutes that you exercise. According to this, my magic number is 10. Yeah, I definitely never drink that much water. Guess I’m starting now.

2.      If you get a little sleepy mid-day, don’t drink coffee or soda. You can buy packets of Vitamin C powder to put in your aforementioned water. I had one today (compliments of my NP) that was lemonade flavored. It was quite refreshing and delightful. It also didn’t result in a crash several hours later like caffeine often does.