What can I say?

This week I’m studying Europe. I’ve already improved my score on Sporcle to a consistent 37/47. Progress. But I’m struggling with countries like San Marino, Kosovo and Bosnia & Herzegovina.

Shortly after I started Experi-month #4, I realized that this is not going to make for very exciting reading. I apologize. Listening to someone talk about their ability to memorize things is probably akin to watching paint dry.

Lucky for you, I have decided to supplement this month’s entries with awkward stories from my life that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand. For those of you that don’t know, my life attracts a high level of awkwardness. Some events from my life are funny, some are tragic, and others are just plain weird. I will try to stick to the funny ones, but I make no promises.

Many of you may have heard this first story already. I tell it frequently and it always gets a laugh at cocktail parties. I’m just kidding... no one invites me to cocktail parties. But if they did, I would totally tell this story and there would be a magical moment of joyous laughter. But anyway, if you’ve heard it, I’m sorry. I will try to write about a more obscure story next time.

So I was at the gym one day. Usually, I frequent the elliptical machine, but that day I decided to be bold and run on the treadmill. Let me preface the next part by saying that there was a torrential downpour happening outside. Silly me for thinking I would be safe indoors. I was running at full speed, which is probably a brisk walk for most normal people, but I have short legs. I was just trotting along, minding my own business when suddenly, the power goes out in the entire facility. Normally, this would not be a big deal. But I bet you didn’t know that when the power is cut from a treadmill, it does not slow down gradually like you might expect. Oh no, it just shuts off abruptly, sending the unsuspecting runner across the room.

The treadmill hurled me to my right and onto the floor. Wouldn’t it have been nice if I was on one of those treadmills that have side bars? Yeah. Too bad I wasn’t. So normally, this would not have been terribly embarrassing. But wait, there’s more.

Not only was I flung off a treadmill, going full speed... but so was the attractive gentleman next to me. Yes, that’s right. I collided with a hot guy. There is no happy ending to this story. I am not currently dating this fellow. I did not get his number. I did not even get any eye contact with him... it was pitch black in the room, after all. Needless to say, I never run on treadmills anymore when the weather is dicey and I try to avoid running next to hot guys. If this happened to anyone else, I would tell them that the odds are slim that that sequence of events would ever happen to them again. But people never say that to me, because they know that it probably would.